Discovery is a process, not a result
The phrase “self-discovery” can suggest that a person has a hidden true self and that a tattoo or piercing reveals it. A more modest and more accurate picture is that people work out what they care about gradually, by trying things, noticing their reactions and revising their view. Body modification can be one occasion for that kind of noticing. This article looks at the thinking that surrounds a modification, because that is where the discovery and growth most plausibly happen.
It is worth saying plainly that research on this is limited and mixed. What follows is a general account of how people describe the process, not a claim that a modification will change anyone in a predictable way.
Before: the questions people end up asking
Deciding to get a lasting mark tends to force questions that are easy to avoid otherwise.
- What do I actually want, as opposed to what looks good in photos?
- Will this still matter to me in ten years, or is it tied to a passing mood?
- Who am I doing this for, and does that matter?
- How visible do I want it to be, and in which settings?
Even people who decide not to go ahead often say that asking these questions taught them something. Thinking about design placement, for example, makes you consider who will see a mark and how you feel about being seen. Thinking about size and detail makes you consider what you really want to hold onto. The decision becomes a small exercise in setting priorities.
Many professionals recommend letting an idea sit for a while. A sensible waiting period filters out impulses and leaves the ideas that still appeal. There is no required length, and it varies by person, but the point is to let the first rush of enthusiasm settle.
During: the practical lessons
The process of actually arranging a modification involves skills that matter in other parts of life. Researching options, comparing professionals, using an initial consultation to raise your concerns, and being clear about boundaries are all forms of self-advocacy. Younger people in particular may find this their first experience of arranging something significant for themselves, which is one reason the topic comes up in discussions of growing up. Age rules and parental involvement vary by place, and where they apply they are part of the process rather than an obstacle to it.
After: living with the decision
The reflection does not stop when the appointment ends. People commonly describe a series of phases.
- The early glow or doubt. The first days can bring excitement, nervousness or a brief wobble. These feelings often settle as the skin heals.
- Getting used to it. After weeks or months, the mark becomes part of how the person sees themselves.
- Noticing other people’s reactions. Friends, family and coworkers respond in different ways, and the person learns how they handle approval and disapproval. Anticipating family reactions can be an informative test of how someone deals with disagreement.
- Looking back later. Years afterward, the mark may bring a whole period of life to mind, which can encourage a more honest review of how the person has changed.
Second thoughts are part of growth too
Some people feel regret, partly or fully, and it is better to acknowledge this than to hide it. Having second thoughts does not mean the earlier version of the person was foolish. It may reflect the fact that tastes and priorities move over time. How people handle that discomfort, whether by living with the mark, modifying it or seeking removal, can reveal a good deal about what they value now. If strong regret lingers or is tied to distress, speaking with a doctor or counselor is sensible, and any procedure to alter or remove a mark carries its own risks and uncertain results.
What the evidence does and does not say
Some studies have found links between body art and traits such as openness to new experience, and others find no clear pattern. Correlation does not show cause. People who are already reflective may be more likely to think hard about a modification, so it is hard to say whether the modification produced the reflection or the reverse. It is more cautious to say that a thoughtful approach tends to go with a better experience than that body modification itself causes growth.
It is also worth remembering that plenty of people grow and discover themselves without any modification, through study, travel, relationships, work, faith or creative projects. A mark is one possible landmark, not a requirement.
Making the most of the reflection
If you want the process to be useful regardless of the outcome, a few habits help.
- Write down why you want the change, in your own words, and reread it a few weeks later.
- Talk it over with someone whose honest opinion you trust.
- Choose a licensed professional and follow their aftercare guidance so that health problems do not overshadow the experience.
- Revisit your feelings after it has healed and again after a year or two, without judging yourself harshly.
Treated this way, a body modification becomes less a statement about who you are than a prompt to think about who you are becoming, with all the uncertainty that involves.